2001-05-14 - 9:08 p.m.

1 month til i'm 18..... i could be more a hell of a lot more excited, but i'm not. denese got into a car accident yesterday, she's ok, but it's on my mind. i'm just so worried about her alll the time anyway, and now this happens. i dunno what to do. if this was a month from now, i would be on a plane there tonight to go stay with her and jen and make sure they are ok and take care of them. but i can't and it buggs the fuckin shit out of me. i love her, i know i do, but it's soo hard for me to stand here and know she's hurting. what makes it worse is that brian is supposed to be taking care of her, and he's not exactly doign that great of a job. i want to be with her, just to hold her and kiss her and make it all better, and i can't. i just fuckign can't and it makes me want to cry. hell, it makes me cry, when i do, that i can't do shit about anything. i just get so worried and stressed out over this. i know what i want and i want to be there, but i can't until i can transfer and move out there with her. if this was a month from now, i would be on my way already. but it's not, it's now and it is fucking my life up and fucking with my head that she's hurting soo bad and i can't do anything about it. i just hate when shit doesn't do what it should and help me out. yea, i met her and i love her and she loves me and we want to be together, but i want it now. i want to go there now, and i can't. i dunno, maybe i'm just trippin.....

previous - next