May 12, 2001 - 12:06 a.m.

went to edgely tonight with Ana, it was stupid. thought i would drink, have some fun and try to enjoy myself, not a goo idea. foundout later, it was alllll watered down, and was more than likely flat. got me sick, so i stopped drinkin it.

i'm all confused. i love denese, with all my heart. i know i love her and i want to be with her forever. an at the same time, it's kinda hard to trust her 100%. i know she' not doing anything, but it's all them other people there i don't trust. i know how absolutly wonderful she is, and how good she is to me, i don't think i could take it if somebody else managed to take her away from me.

i think i 'm cracked in the head.....

i can't stand the thought of anybody even looking at her and flirting and try in to get with her. i get so jealous thinking about it.

i just know that i would do everything and anything to make her happy forever. i love her with all my heart, and i don't want to be away from her. sometimes, i wonder if she feels the same. i mean, i'm not exactly girlfriend material, or so i thought from every single turn-down i've had since august. then i meet her, and she wants me and loves me. it's all so hard to believe.

this may be why i don't know how to react when sombody is nice to me or does something nicer for me or gives me something. i honestly stand there and look like an idiot because i dont know how to react or what to say or do.

i think i'm just cracked.....

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