March 6, 01 - 4:08 pm

I spent more than half of my lunch period writing to Denese. I had so many things on my mind, and I had to tell her about them. i wrote about everything. how much i love her, how much i hate it here, how my mom and brother were fighting, and i wish i could get further away than st joe's, how i want to be with her, and everything under the sun about her. i got so much off of my chest. wrote about how i don't want to lie and pretend anymore that i don't hurt, how i want to break down all my walls, and just not with her, with everybody. people see me as strong and independent, when i'm so scared. i'm still a child inside, but seen as a grown independent woman.

this morning, my mom and brother were fighting. he was being a stupid ass, and she was being mom. he was saying that he's begging to be sent away so he could get out of this house. my mom said she's ready to leave cuz she's not happy. i stood there, making my lunch quietly the whole time wishing i was somewhere else. if i had known this was how things would be now, i would have applied to only schools far away. st joe's wouldn't have been anywhere on my list of colleges. if i could, and god i wish i could, i'd leave tomorrow and get away from here.

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