March 3, 01 - 8:04 pm

my parents are fighting. i hate when they fight. i can hear them from downstairs, but my door is open anyway. lately, they seem to be fighting alot. it's weird. lately, they're either at eachothers throats or all sweet and cozy. my mom is kinda to blame, she gets mad an tired from work all day then takes it out on us. but, they both have such a short temper, no wonder they fly off the handle at eachother. my dad tries, but my mom bitches about so much. my mom tries, but my dad won't get off his lazy ass sometimes and help. they both apease eachother, but the quiet doesn't last long. i remember one night, couple months ago, i dunno why, but my dad was asleep on the couch in the living room. i dunno if he just fell asleep, doubtful, my mom was sick, doubtful, or she kicked him out or he left cuz they fought, doubtfull as the others. but anything is possible, and i never asked about what happened. i do remember when i was little, they fought like animals, were ready to get a divorce. i know that cuz one day, they fought, and i went somewhere with my dad. as we were getting in the car, my grandmother was walking to our front door. i still remember my dad yelling at my grandmother that if my mom wanted a divorce, it was fine with him. as you know, they stayed together, but went to therapy for a while. i even had to go and talk to the lady there sometimes. weird stuff makin a kid who's like maybe 7 or 8 talk to some weird person about their family. hell, all i cared about at that time was watching my tv shows, gettin the junk i loved having, how great legos were and how late i could get my dad to let me stay up. but that's besides the point. after that, they got along great. hell, up until a few years ago things were wonderful. then as my uncle got hurt, now better, and since he got hurt he's hardly at the store helping my mom, she's been different. she works hella more, under more stress, and is nothing like she used to be. she used to be so nice and such a mush when i was little. now, she's either yellin at you an ready to kill you or a semi mush. and even the semi mush is nothin like the way she was before. besides the fact she's usually in a bad modd when she gets home from work, sometimes she's not but drew puts her right into one. after that, i get the hell up out of anywhere where she or my dad is for a while. i can't wait to go to college and not have to deal with this bullshit.

i try not to make them mad, but i say somethin or do somethin and my mom flips out. usually i forget to do somethin, and she starts saying i'm conceited, all i care about is myself and i'm selfish. now, i know i can act like that at times, but do does everybody. hell, everybody likes things the way they want. but she only sees me how i act at home. she keeps asking if i'm ok, am i depressed again and what's going on at school. she asks me these questions when i tell her i dont' want to go to school, or i'm tired when i wake up. her excuse, there's somethign going on at school you don't want to deal with like problems with a teacher and you're getting a lil depressed again cuz all you wanna do is sleep. jesus fucking christ, think about it. i'm 17, and a senior in high school. now, at 17, all we want to do is sleep cuz our internal clocks are off. in my case, i have problems falling asleep, but i can't sleep past like 10:30 without waking up. we're always tired, and no matter what time i get up, i can't fall sleep until like after 12. couple nights i went to bed at 10:30. not that is unbelievably early for me. and about the school thing, it's so simple it's a stupid reason to not want to go. i'm a senior, school is over in like 94 days from today. of course i don't want to go. it's boring, and i woudl rather be anywhere else but there. i just want to get it over with and have summer and college here. god, this started out with my parents fighting, and ended up about me.......i must be conceited.......

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